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May 21st, 2010


09:56 am - Writer's Block: The second time around
Do you think it's possible to fall in love with the same person twice in a lifetime? Or do you believe everyone gets just one chance to make it or break it?

Yes, and more than twice... time and time again... b/c if you don't continually fall in love with your lover then it could eventually fade away... you have to remember why you fell in love in the first place and hold on to that, and find new reasons everyday to love them even in their faults.  This is how a great love is built.
Current Location: TN
Current Mood: contentcontent

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May 12th, 2010


08:50 am - Writer's Block: Love, hate, or indifferent?--- FanFiction...
Fanfiction: Do you love it or hate it, or are you totally indifferent? Why?

I am kinda indifferent... I have alot of friends who write fanfic and it's really good.  I don't write much myself b/c I feel weird stealing other people's characters and it feels like I am bound in my writing to a set "world" or "personality" so with me I would prefer to write my own things, but hey, I will enjoy a good story no matter who writes it or where they get the idea for it... *Shrugs*
Current Location: TN
Current Mood: creativecreative

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November 30th, 2009


05:01 pm - Celtic Woman CD
I will be just a second, I just wanted to say that if you get a chance get the Celtic Woman Christmas CD... I got it for me and my friend Hill to listen to on our trip b/c we like them... I love their voices and LOVE to sing along with them... but this one beats the others... I listened to it on my way here this morning and I believe that is what angels in Heaven are going to sound like. especially when they do the old carols with the choir with them. It is beautiful!! I am almost speechless at some points. I can't wait to learn every song on it and sing it to my hearts content... music like that just makes me happy and gives me chill bumps if I ever thought of being a famous singer, I would want to be like them... I have a new favorite CD! Just thought I would "advertise" for a min!! LOL
Current Location: TN Work
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful

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August 12th, 2009


12:24 pm - Writer's Block: Proven by Science
Do you believe everything has a scientific explanation?
No, and if they did the world would be a lot less interesting...

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June 18th, 2009


12:39 pm - Writer's Block: I Can Relate
What fictional character do you most identify with?
Cimorine (Spelling??) from the Enchanted Forest Chronicles

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May 1st, 2009


11:29 am - Hiking, Friends, Free Tickets!, and other everyday things...

Well, I went hiking with my friend Hillary in Oak Ridge last weekend. It was great (pics posted on myspace), we went to two different parks, hiked several trails, found a couple of waterfalls, and took over 200 pics between the both of us. We went mainly to take cute pics b/c we both like to do that. I enjoyed spending the day with her, talking about nothing and everything. We haven't had time like that together in a while. It was worth the two hour drive up there and home later. I am just worried that she is too attached to this current casual boyfriend b/c they both knew from the begining that he would be graduating this May and leaving for another state to be gone forever probably, but both decided to try it anyway knowing it was useless, trying not to get attached.. well he is already cutting ties ready to go, but she is more attached to him than she meant to be b/c she is getting really depressed that he is leaving. But the main problem is she is missing her pills!! she missed two while I was up there!! in a row! I am so afraid she is gonna end up pregnant with his kid and he is gonna be gone for good before she can even let him know about it. and she will be stuck with a child to raise on her own just when she is ready to make all these plans for school next semister. I am kinda worried, but I hope it's all for nothing. But overall the weekend was great and I had a great time, we hope to do it again sometime this summer. I would give tons more detail, but at the moment I am at work and  can't seem to type correctly today and I keep having to fix stuff which wastes time. so on to the next thing
    
Another friend of mine is in the process of moving b/c she will be getting married this summer and they finally found a house! Yay for them!! but I get to go help her paint some this weekend, which I don't mind b/c I need the experiance b/c we plan to remove wallpaper and paint my kitchen this summer... I am really excited for her b/c she graduates college in a few weeks too so we should be able to spend more time together. 
   
  And Yet another friend of mine got officially engaged a few weeks ago, but her wedding won't be for another year or so. But I am gonna be Maid of Honor in that wedding, we have already been looking at planners and such. I am so excited for her b/c I really think her and the guy (who is an old school friend of both of ours) will work out great. They are gonna start looking for a house as soon as she graduates in May also this year... (I have 3 graduations, a wedding and my b-day this month and possibly 6-flags) 
  
We got Free Tickets to 6-flags which I am really excited about!! we plan to go around my b-day (end of May) if the other couple can go on that date too (the same said couple who just got engaged) We are just wanting another couple to go with to take pics with, plus we get along good with them and it should be a great time. I hope it all works out the way we want b/c even if they can't go we are still going. We also got free tickets to a concert in June, not one of our favorite people, but we have heard of him and they were given to us, so we can't complain, still unsure if we will go or not, we may give the tickets away. we'll see.

The library is a disaster from the construction and we have been closed for two weeks for a move, I am so tired of moving things, and dodging workers and the dirt and mess everywhere! how can we do everyday functions if our computers aren't even set up or the outlets are not even working? Plus we are supposed to Re-open in a few days.... how is this gonna happen if we don't even have computers to checkout on working? or even steps that lead into the building set up?? Everything is a mess and has been, hence why I haven't been on here much in the last few weeks, no working computers there...

I am over halfway through my new journal and will probably have it done in another 2 weeks if I keep up at the pace I am going. I have had alot of stuff to think about and write about lately with the trips, friends, our friend dying, and normal everyday things not to mention some of the weird dreams I have been having. The cats are all fine and being holy terrors! lol which is usual for them so no big deals there. I am kinda curious as to how Tank will respond to us being gone for days at a time b/c our trip to St. Augustine, FL is in less than 2 months. and he has never been left alone overnight. Daddy will stop in to check on them and make sure they have food and stuff, but I wonder if he will be depressed? he is REALLY attached to me... but he will have the other boys there for company so it's not like he is completely alone. So we will have to see.

UM, I think this is mostly it for now... if my head wasn't hurting so bad, I  might add more details about the trip about how I got a surprising insight into how different mine and Hill's personallities are.. just from an incident that happened on a trail. but more explainations if I get time later...lets just say it didn't put her ina good light b/c She KNEW the prize was right infront of her. all she had to do was get through one hard part, but yet she gave up and still wouldn't do it. Whereas I didn't know where the prize was, but I pushed myself and even at the point where I wanted to give up. I pushed a little farther b/c on faith I believed i was close and it was there.. I made it to the top of the bluff and seen the great view (got the prize), but she wouldn't do it even when she knew it was right there! It was kinda an eye opening experiance b/c it all of a sudden related to everything she does in her life to me... It was a really strange moment and I thought about it all weekend... but oh well I am at work and must go... I will be glad when our computers are fixed and I can be on more often... lol later!

Current Location: TN Law office
Current Mood: calmcalm

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April 24th, 2009


11:09 am - Suicide tears families apart...

Well, I really didn't think this would bother me that much, but I can't stop thinking about it. I have a wonderful weekend planned with friends, but this is weighing very heavily on my mind and if I think too long on it I can't help but cry for his family. One of my and toby's old school friends, and toby's current coworker, committed suicide Tues night... hung himself... He left behind a wife he had been with nearly 10 years, 3 kids, a son who is old enough to be scarred by this, and two girls who are so young they won't even remember their great dad... He was a great, GREAT person! no one seen this coming. It is Terrible and sad and tradgic. It really bothers me, b/c if he who seemingly had everything, degrees, great job, great wife, family, active in his church, could do this, then ANY one could... He was fighting an alchol addiction that no one but the closest family knew he had. No one even knew he was having problems. He and his wife had just finished building this new house for their family, everything seemed so normal, but then last week his wife left him b/c of the alchol abuse and it was just too much for him apparently. I just can't believe he is gone... I seen him about two weeks ago in the library laughing, holding his youngest daughter. It is so terrible, b/c he was always one to laugh with you, smile and say hello to anyone. No one even guessed what was coming. When Toby told me he had died, I immediately thought a terrible car crash b/c he was our age! but no, never suicide... he was too good for that... he always has been. what could have been so bad to push him that far? he had been in rehab and everything, he was trying to beat this problem according to family, but how could it have lead to this? it's just so shocking and as much as I try to act as though it hasn't happened, it pops back into my head at the least expected times... that he is gone... I am never gonna see him come in with his kids and talk about some crazy thing toby did to him at work that week. It's just such a shock to everyone, and I feel so terrible for his family. I just needed to get some of this out, it is just really bothering me that someone as good as him would do this. It really makes you think about life....
Current Location: TN
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
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April 15th, 2009


11:51 am - All hopefull wishes... but just wishes apparently... (warning possibly TMI)
Is it bad to be so depressed that I actually started this morning?? I was a day late, and the only thing that flitted through my head all day yest was that if I still hadn't started by this morning I was gonna take an early test. I had no reason to suspect that I might be. I hadn't missed a pill, nothing had been strange, I was only one day late, which can be practicly normal. But i kept thinking what if all day yest. I would probably be appropriately shocked, and have no clue how I would tell toby, but it was all wishful thinking. Mother nature woke me up very painfully this morning. It is kinda depressing. I really do want to be pregnant, but I know for several reasons it would not be a good time. Main one being that Toby says he isn't ready and wants to wait, which i am abiding by those wishes by still being on the pill and not doing anything scandleous by deception. and the others including lack of insurance and I need a fulltime job for this and to pay off other small bills before we even think about kids. We won't ever be completely finacially stable, but at least we could get rid of a few smaller bills to be more helpful. but I just had this small hope that was building all day yest when I knew I hadn't started. that maybe it would be a fluke and just happen when I least expected it. But no, more waiting and silently hoping, dreaming, and wishing...
    But in other news I have been sending off resumes constantly. I have become almost obsessive of getting another job. The thing mentioned above fueling me more than the other reason of wanting to get out of the library. But I have been trying to stay optomistic and keep telling myself that if I keep applying to different places something has to turn up... it just has to statisticly. So I am waiting and constantly looking for opportunaties in my options.
   Oh and I finished the blue journal I had been using Yest. I am now using an older looking antique kinda one with old skeleton keys, pocket watches, stamps, and fountain pens on it. I found it at a used book shop a month ago and just had to have it. So it is my new journal and smaller so I hope it will last me till June when we go to St. Aug. so I can go straight from it to my new huge leather one I always get while I am down there.
    I am sorry if I am ranting, but I have had the whole baby thing on my mind alot every since Christmas (there really was a chance that I was then and I had all the symptoms and was devestated when I found out I wasn't....) I keep pushing it out of my mind, but it has been bothering me so much. I want to be pregnant, I want kids, I want a love child with my wonderful husband, who is scared to death he would be a bad father, but I KNOW he would be great! I get all teary eyed at commercials with babies or pregnant women in them. I gulp it down and stop it before it starts b/c Toby doesn't know how bad it is affecting me. If I dwell on it too long in my mind, I can just sit and cry for want of it. but I am not a weepy person and It is kinda crazy! how can I want something so bad, that I have never known? But I can just see a small toby running around, looking just like his daddy, and knowing that that baby is the best parts of both of us. I keep pushing it away b/c I know it could be a while before it is realized, but when it does break through with a little help from days like yest. it is rough b/c it is something I really want and feel ready for, but cant' have right now. so I have to wait and I am not a patient person so this is the hardest part.
   Well, I will shut up now and get back to work.


Current Location: TN Law office
Current Mood: crazycrazy

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April 3rd, 2009


04:15 pm - crappy work.

Well most probably won't have a clue what I am talking about, but things at work here in the library have been getting more and more stupid. I am so tired of it. i have put in two more resumes to places this week hoping something will turn up. I am so fed up, i am here at work now with nearly two hours still to go! I am so angry at my boss (who hasn't even been here in a MONTH! so she doesn't know everything that has been going on.) b/c she is bringing up stuff that was overwith and done while she was gone. She is bringing it up now and saying how I could have handled it better and shouldn't have done this or she would have done that. well, YOU weren't HERE! so you can't say what you would have done or not! it is done! OVERWITH! Drop it! there is no usefullness in bringing it up again when nothing can be done about it now. especially when she wasn't here to know exactly how things turned out or why they did the way they did. But I was mad enough when it was actually going on 3 weeks ago, I don't want to talk about it more! But oh well... I will just be glad when today is overwith! maybe I will get lucky and she will go home early.
    On to other things, the Jeff Dunham thing was HILAROUS! we both had a great time, laughed till we cried and our faces hurt. TOby about sprayed me with coke two or three times. It was a late night, but well worth it! I had just as much fun as toby did, which just b/c he was happy I was ok. it really was  a great night with just us. 
    Then we went to Cherokee NC for some Fishing on Weds... big waste of time! Rained pretty much the whole time, didn't catch a single fish, b/c they didn't stock b/c of the rain. So we went through some shops to make up for it on the indian reservation. we also seen some elk while we were out. which was neat.
   Another happy note, I am 20 pages from finishing my current journal and with today's ranting when I get home, it will be closer tonight! I can't wait to start a new one, I already have one lined up. I am looking forward to just being at home with toby. But I gotta go, break over!

Current Location: TN
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated

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March 27th, 2009


11:19 am - Sorry no post lately...
Well, I am sorry I haven't posted in a while, but a ton of stuff has been going on, mainly with work. The other supervisor is quitting and I am gonna have to train a replacement for the third time. This is a real let down b/c I have been looking for another job for a while with no results and there for a week she had 3!! and couldn't decide between them. She is my friend and I am glad for her, she needs those jobs, but at the same time I am like why can't it be ME!?? I was really down all last week and really just flat out depressed and I am not a depressing person. so I was constantly fighting it which made it worse. Toby was great during all this. he takes my moods in strides which is good b/c I need someone steady like that when I am like this. Plus I was hormonal which didn't help any. It just all seemed too much last week. I am over it now, and I have bucked up and said I have done this before I will do it again. and i won't complain. i have two jobs, when there are people without. But I just really want to get a fulltime for so many already listed reasons, andit was just a shock to kinda have my friend rub her new jobS in my face. Plus both jobs were crazily busy last week. 
    But on to more fun things, We are going to a Jeff Dunham concert tonight. Toby is so thrilled and can't wait. I wish he hadn't paid so much for the tickets, but he heard he was gonna be in Chatt. and he just had to go. b/c he is very seldomly around here. So we are going tonight, and I am kinda looking forward to it b/c Toby is, and it is something to get out and do. I just wish it wouldn't be so rainy while we have to drive in crazy Chatt. traffic.
   I am currently reading a new series by Tamora Pierce Beka Cooper, Terrior. It is really good so far and in a journal format and since I keep a journal, I like those formats. It is really great and I am already halfway through it. I am also halfway through my current journal. or more than half really b/c I have been ranting alot in it lately about current things and work drama. I already have the next one lined up so no worries.
   I re-did my flower beds and weeded all of them. They are all nice a pretty and you can see my tulips really well. all the purple ones are blooming now! I love them! I can't wait till the rest do, which will be soon. I also planted some gladiolous and some "dancing star" lilies in my empty parts of the flower bed. they should come up in the summer. I have been outside as much as possible with the warm weather and we have walked in local parks two or three times a week lately. which is great b/c that is how I lose the few pounds I gain in the winter. So I have a little sun on my skin too now. very little b/c I usually just burn. but I am not bleach white anymore. so hopefully I won't blind too many people. I like to be outside and get a light tan naturally b/c I don't lay in tanning beds b/c my family has a history of cancer. But if it doesn't stop raining soon I will lose all the little color I have b/c I have been stuck in the house or at work.
   I have been writing some too. I wrote more on my Through the Clockface story. I also have the next segment of the Wizard's Castle story to work on, but I am waiting on an answer from the other person writing it with me. i had a question about the part she wrote. So I am trying to wait on an answer. I hope to hear from her soon, but her internet is kinda choppy where she is now.
   Well, Iam just rambling, trying to update on things that have been going on, Oh and I ate bad shrimp the other night and I am now queasy everytime I eat... and it has been going on for days now... not too terribly bad just enough to get me to stop eating for a bit. but then it goes away. I wish it would hurry up and get out of my system. Ummm... not much else so I believe I will quit for now... I am at work and should get back to it....

Current Location: TN Law office
Current Mood: calmcalm

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